Friends = Complex

So I thought I would start a topic on the very tricky, complex subject of ‘Friends’ It may not be tricky for you, but it sure is for me, so maybe me writing it all down will help me understand why it is such hard work for me, to maintain a good solid friendship.

I did have the usual, best friends at school and was popular enough, but it seems the older I get the harder I find it to find and make great friendships. Now, don’t be feeling sorry for me here, I am perfectly fine with the few friends I have, as I can trust 100% and don’t usually let me down.

My problem might be because I have such high standards when it comes to friends. Here is my checklist:

  • They have to be 100% trustworthy
  • They have to amuse me and be funny
  • They have to be reliable and not let me down
  • No flakiness allowed
  • They have to be there for me no matter what
  • Don’t judge me… ever!

You see, I have high standards, but maybe you are reading this and agreeing with me, but the problem with me, is I don’t forgive easily and I am a bit like an elephant, I never forget so, it you hurt me or let me down, I find it so hard to then carry on the friendship. Don’t get me wrong, I know nobody is perfect, I mean let me down in a big way not in a ‘oh I can’t do tonight for drinks now’ let down.

Below is a run down of my current friends:

Friend 1 – I will call her D – 37, Taurus, single – we met at work 5 years ago and just got on like a house on fire. I know I can trust her implicitly, on paper we shouldn’t get on, she is posh, I’m not, her parents are loaded, mine aren’t, but I would say she is one of my closest friends and the only one that I can tell my secrets too without her judging me, she is great at advice and I feel lucky that I met her.

Friend 2 – I met E, also at work about 8 years ago now, she is totally different to D. 35, married, two young kids and now a housewife. We have one of those friendships where we can not talk in weeks/months but then we suddenly contact and start where we left off with no issue, we both have busy lives and that is how it works with us. She is great at saying it like it is. Truths I would rather not hear but I suppose that is what some friends are for!

Friend 3 – Now this friend is the total opposite of me. A is 31, loves a drink and a party girl, single and doesn’t want to settle down. I think we all need a friend like this in life. She makes me realise I should sometimes loosen up a little and enjoy life a bit more. I have never cried with laughter as much as I do with this friend. We met at work too 4 years ago and although to be honest, we have had our ups and down as she can be flaky, I have forgiven her for what reason I don’t know as she is a nightmare with remembering dates of when we are meeting etc.. But I think it is because we have such a good time when we do meet. I may get fed up of her flakiness in the end, but at the moment she makes me laugh lots which is what I need in a friend!

Friend 4 – This friend is an odd one as I call her a friend as we stay in touch but I haven’t seen her for about 8 years which is madness but she was my best friend at secondary school. I wonder if we have that much in common anymore, she has settled down with a baby and hubbie and lives only about 45 minutes up the road and we never see each other, so really, does this mean we don’t actually want to see each other, as we both would have made an effort? The funny thing with our friendship is that we write letters too each other, long letters! We have done this since we were at school, when on school holidays, we would write to each other and 20 years later, we still do, which I think it rather sweet, so I will carry on with this for as long as she does!

So that is it. That is my circle of friends. Not many, I know and the funniest thing is, none of them know each other, so I have never had a gaggle of girlfriends that all go out and sit in a pub to gossip/bitch over a few bottles of wine. That, is just not me and thank goodness, as to be honest I could not think of anything worse. I think I am a bit of an introvert at heart. I prefer one on one company to groups of people, as it just drains me otherwise. If I was to be in a group of people, I would prefer them to be all men, as male company, for me is much nicer, easier to deal with. Men are not as complex as women. I do have a few male friends, but I wouldn’t class them as ‘friends’ if that makes sense.

I have had lots if different friends in the past and some have just fizzled out and we lost touch, others have been weirder. Such as the good friend (or so i thought) who I had known for 14 years who I went through her whole IVF struggle, to then just drop contact completely as soon as she had her twins, I still to this day have no idea why and I just have to put it behind me as, I didn’t do anything wrong, other than be there for her, so who knows.

Then there was the time I worked in London and built up a great friendship with a girl, we were so close, she invited me to her wedding in London etc.. Then the contact started to fizzle and I asked her on email one day if everything was OK and I got a reply that still makes me think ‘what the feck’ to this day. She basically told me she felt we had grown apart and didn’t have anything in common anymore?! That was it, friendship over, just like that and yes I was upset and it did hurt.

So, you can see what I mean hopefully. Friendship can be hard-work and complex but I think with the right friends, it shouldn’t be, it should be easy and simple. I am quite happy with how many friends I have. Of course I would love more great ones and I hope, one day I will meet more, just like the ones above.. but maybe minus the flaky bit please! 🙂

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