I felt the need to blog about the B word, as I am getting to an age where a lot of friends are ‘expecting’ and then I have a lot of people ‘expecting’ me to announce I am pregnant soon too. This is not happening… not in the near future anyway and here’s why;
I am 33 and yes, in some cases this is known as ‘over the hill’ in fertility terms. My eggs are apparently shriveling up as I type (lovely!) I blame the media mostly for putting pressure on us 30/40 somethings to ‘get on with it’ But times have changed people. As you all know, more and more people are having babies later in life, due to a lot of different reasons.
The main reason for me and my man, is basically, money. We simply cannot afford to have a baby, It is as simple as that. The amount of people that have said to me ‘You can never afford to have a baby’ & I totally understand what they mean by this… but that comment annoys me slightly, OK a LOT, as we seriously cannot afford to have a baby, i.e. Right now, there is no way we can live off one salary and a measly maternity payment from the government. So, why would we want to bring a baby into our lives and into this world, when it would be a constant struggle money-wise, which would then make us both miserable and we also wouldn’t be able to give it all that we would want to, I just couldn’t think of anything worse quite frankly.
I sometimes even wonder if It would be just plain selfish having a baby too. I mean, the world we are living in right now, isn’t a very wonderful one is it? I find it quite depressing on a daily basis and we would be choosing to bring a little person into this word and hope they get on OK. I find that a scary thought. I really don’t think it is a nice world anymore to bring a child up in and you can’t always be there to protect them can you, so it would be a constant worry and I would hate them to ever get depression like me too, not that I could do anything about that but it is another thing to add to the growing list of ‘should we have babies?’ I also don’t think women should ever think it is there god-given right to produce children, and I don’t think for one minute that it is. I don’t even know If I can have them and I never just assume that I can. Parenting isn’t for everyone either and it is a shame there isn’t a system of some sort, as some people definitely should not be mothers! But that is another story for another day.
I have a friend who is on her 3rd pregnancy, she is 36 and good for her, she has a very rich husband and doesn’t even have to worry about money for one second. Now, I am really happy for her, but… there is always a but ;o) … I just wish she would understand my circumstances a bit more, as every time I see her and I mean EVERY time, she always says ‘hurry up and have babies, I can’t wait for you to have them!’ It drives me NUTS, as she knows we can’t afford them, but she still feels the need to say this and I find it so insensitive and bloody annoying. I have tried telling her so many times, in lots of different ways the same thing, that we can’t even think of having babies yet and it obviously falls on deaf ears!
Basically what I have been trying to say in my last few paragraphs of waffle is this: It is no one else’s business when or if you have children and I am not sure why so many people are so obsessed with interfering into other people’s lives, when they really should concentrate on their own.
So, maybe we will have kids one day… or maybe we won’t… you can ask as much as you like but don’t ‘expect’ a reply!