The Dad I never had

Definition of Father:  A male person whose sperm unites with an egg, resulting in the conception of a child. 

The above is literally all my dad is to me.

I sometimes look at Facebook or Twitter and see people talk about how great their dad’s are and sometimes they even post pictures of them with their dad’s. This sometimes and only sometimes gives me a slight pang of sadness as it is something I have never had and never will have.

My dad didn’t die, he just decided to disappear one day, never to be seen again, like a puff of smoke, he was gone. I sometimes think it might have been easier if he had died, then at least then I could have mourned the fact that he had died and not the fact that he had just chosen to abandon me and my sister when were little.

He decided to leave my mum for a younger woman when I was 3, my sister was 4, he had been having an affair for a while and decided it was much easier to leave my mum and be with this young tart, than to help bring up his two children with my mum.

He did decide he wanted to be some kind of father figure (if you can call it that) for the time-being, i.e. when it suited him. But thinking back now, I don’t actually have any good memories of him, other than him buying me a really cool red BMX bike for one of my Birthdays. But other than that, the things he did while looking after me and my sister were rather hideous. Some of the (bad) memories are this:

  • Him sitting us in front of horror movies, as he thought this would entertain us (we were very little at the time, maybe 7 & 8 or younger) So we were made to sit through (on our own) all the Nightmare on Elm streets and all the Halloweens. This might be why I had such bad nightmares and also now why I hate watching horror films.
  • Him leaving me in a horrible pub on my 8th or 9th Birthday for what reason I can’t remember but I remember him giving me a pretty necklace then saying he had to go somewhere (probably to go and ‘see’ his new bird!) but these men would look after me and he would be back later, so I had to sit in this pub while these men that I didn’t know just sat there drinking and chain smoking not knowing what to do with me, I was so upset and scared too, thinking he wasn’t coming back.

So, you can kind of get a mental picture in your head of what a lovely person my so-called father is/was.

He must have woken up one day and decided that being a part time dad was far too much hassle for him, so he just decided to disappear when I was about 10.  By this time, he has already dumped the tart and was going out with for another woman who we didn’t like and she was never very nice to us, we were an added hassle to her and a reminder that her new boyfriend was once married with children.

So, the birthday cards and Christmas cards slowly stopped and we never saw him again, until.. my mum spotted him in town one day a few years later and made sure he knew we saw him, as she marched into the shop he was in and demanded to know where had been the last few years, all he said was this:  ‘why don’t you all just f*ck off’ So, that was my last lovely memory of my dad, my selfish, horrible so-called dad, that does not deserve to have two such lovely daughters and I wish for anything that he wasn’t my dad and that I had a dad like the ones you see in the movies like ‘Father of the Bride’ I wanted Steve Martin to be my dad, not the vile stranger I saw in the shop 20 years ago.

We now think he lives in Bude in Cornwall, the furthest point he could be away from us, which is quite funny really. But I have no desire to find him or get answers as he doesn’t deserve a second of my time or effort. I see it as his loss, because if he knew what he was missing I think he would be regret it. He also has 3 other children from the marriage before my mum, he abandoned them too.

I am just glad that I have found a man that is NOTHING like my father and never will be, he is kind, loving, thoughtful & generous. All the things he isn’t.

I also give credit to my wonderful mum too, as I am not sure how she coped with all of the above, especially as she was only 26 when he left.  But guess what…we turned out alright you know… ;o) Yes, I may have issues, but who doesn’t!

I don’t have anything to thank my dad for, other than teaching me that I never ever want to be anything like him and for that I am grateful.



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